candyflosskid (candyflosskid) wrote,

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Why do I only ever seem to update this when upset?

Yup... Not a hell of a lot happening yet. Still no farm photos as they are on my computer and I'm on my parents computer, as downstairs while I'm at home I have no internet.

Still really missing my farm. Texting with Norton (the farmers son) every now and again and keeping up to date, but I really miss how the "small stuff" that goes wrong isn't exaggerated to make stress. Here at the moment I'm finding it really hard. And it is just the small stuff.
The microwave beeper didn't go off (my mum had put it on) just a few moments ago - it had stopped at 8.07, rather than counting down the whole 10mins. Big deal, shit happens, no food was burnt... so you just put it on again right, estimate? Wrong - mum implied I'd done it on purpose. W.T.F! Seriously - I have better things to do with my time. Yeah, that got me down a bit.

I find it hard especially because I have to rely on my parents and stuff just doesn't get done. This morning my mum said she was going to a supermarket today. Awesome. We're out of cheese and stuff I needed to make my dinner (homemade pizza), so as usual I just gave her a list of what I needed as I was gonna be out that afternoon. Came home (see below) PAST a supermarket, back to a house without freaking groceries. And I talked to them on the phone just before I left to come home.
How fucking hard is it to get groceries, or if you don't have time (understandable sometimes - if you've been doing something else!!!) just SAY you haven't and I can pick stuff up on the way home. But no. So here I am not-so-happily eating my pizza with its fucked up toppings. Which I really don't feel like eating.

But I have to. Losing weight again. Yay! (Kidding by the way - under 60kg already and eat a tonne to maintain weight). So me not eating can't really happen. But apparently this is normal... this whole eating 2-3 servings every meal, outeating everyone I know, and struggling to maintain weight, while not growing at all is normal. Haha.
Oh well, I insisted on going to the doctor for another problem and she reckons there's an insy chance I might have diabetes. But probably not. But then at least I could be all "hey, well I was pretty sure there was something wrong, maybe next time you should actually listen". As if.

This afternoon went with my sister and her boyfriend to the SPCA for some very early stage puppy hunting for him. Was lovely having a snuggle with the puppies. Then round to Rach's for cat hugging fest! They've grown so big ay. I wish I could have some form of pet next year at the hall - I asked Simon (my boss there) if I could 'inherit' the 2 female rats that were living there this year as my pets for next year. No. Even though they were the RA's pets this year, I can't next year.
So pretty cut up about that. Can't get anything bigger than that and I knew that but the whole no rats/mice thing is new. I can have fish, woopee! Yeah... feeling pretty "kick me when I'm down" at the moment, especially with things to do with the hall.

Other than that... everyone thinks me and Aakash are going out. He's one of my very best mate in Palmy and we've grown particularly close over the last 4-5months, after we both realized Hamish's saying to each of us that the other hated them was all lies. He's staying at the hall next year as a resident though, so by rules there's nothing possible. Strictly we're not. But I don't know. We're so ridiculously close now - he came to my family for Christmas (as he had noone else to spend it with - my reasoning), and as you do, exchanged presents... he had written "Lots of love" on his... and I don't know how I'm meant to take it. Last I heard about his single/not-status was that he had a girlfriend dying of cancer in America, and more recently a rumour that she'd passed. But that was a couple of months ago, and he didn't mention anything.
We're spending so much time together it almost does feel like we're going out. I came down to the hall while I was on the farm. He asked me to drop in on the way home two weeks later. He came down soon after that on my invite to show him Wellington. I'm going up there for new years, and it's just going to be us... we're going to watch a couple of movies, I'm staying in Kirsty's room at the hall, but noone else is there at all. Even my best friend from Palmy is asking, as is his. And I don't know. I love him to absolute bits. But am I in love with him? That is a big difference. I'm most certainly attracted to him, and fairly certain that it's not one way. But I'm not allowed to be. We text about a billion times a day - and he is on vodafone, so his bill is in the hundreds at the moment. Oh yeah - he's apparently going to buy me pink fluffy handcuffs next time I go up. Ugh. Is he 'a' guy, or 'the' guy? I'm lonely, that's for sure. And we get along really well, but there's nothing I can do about this really. Aaaaaaaaargh.

I still have my cat. Thank Gods. I'm going to be such a wreck in one of the entries coming up, and I suspect it won't be far away either. He's the most precious thing to me in the entire world - how am I going to live without him? But he is sick, and I know it won't be long, and even now I thing about it and I just cry.
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Hey, I'm sorry somethings are sucking majorly :( Especially poor Alex, really sending all my love to him. I hope he is alright.. :( *HUGS*

Ohh btw I meant to ask you, when do you go onto your Sheep/Beef farm? I really hope I'm gonna be able to see you before then!!

Aaskah sounds really sweet. I hope whatever happens between you guys, it's fun :) I always figure that deep love with friends isn't so much different from deep love with more-than-friends. Good luck!

Well I'm off to Aussie in two days, but yup, have a wicked New Years! Hope you survive the parents! *hugs* And really hoping I'll be able to see ya soon :) Is always cool to hang out ^^